Why Jealousy Might Just Be Part of Our Human Nature

Embracing Uncomfortable Truths with Owen Hawthorn

Explore the world of uncomfortable ideas and challenge the status quo with our thought-provoking podcast. Delve into uncomfortable conversations and offensive topics that push the boundaries of social norms in areas like religion, politics, and morality. Learn to embrace discomfort, understand different perspectives, and make better decisions by uncovering the unconscious processes that influence our judgment. Join us as we navigate through challenging topics and seek to inform and enlighten listeners.

Is Jealousy Really a Flaw, or Just Part of Being Human?

You know, jealousy gets such a bad rap in our society. It's like this dirty little secret we all try to hide or pretend doesn’t exist, as if feeling jealous automatically makes you a terrible person. But what if I told you jealousy might actually be a natural human response, rather than some glaring character flaw? Yeah, I know, that’s one of those uncomfortable truths we don’t really like to admit, but hear me out.

Most of us are raised to believe that jealousy is something to be ashamed of—something you should “rise above” or “get over.” The problem is that this kind of thinking oversimplifies what jealousy really is. It’s not just about envy or spite; jealousy is rooted in basic survival instincts. Evolutionarily speaking, feeling jealous made sense when resources—like attention, affection, or social standing—were limited and competition for them was a matter of survival. So rather than being this rare moral failing, jealousy might actually be wired into our brains as a natural and sometimes helpful signal.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying jealousy is sunshine and rainbows. It can absolutely get toxic if it’s not checked or if it turns someone into a controlling or resentful person. But the blanket judgment that “jealousy is bad” ignores the role it plays in alerting us to things we care deeply about—whether it’s a treasured relationship, our self-esteem, or even opportunities we feel slipping away. In some ways, jealousy can reveal what’s truly valuable to us.

What really fascinates me, though, is how society usually pushes us to deny or suppress jealousy instead of exploring it. This is one of those uncomfortable conversations we tend to avoid because it challenges the status quo of “always be happy for others, never think negatively.” But embracing discomfort around these topics can lead to a healthier understanding of ourselves. Instead of feeling guilty or confused about jealousy, we can start to see it as a signal to reflect on *why* we feel that way. It’s an opportunity for self-awareness, not self-shaming.

Think about relationships and friendships. When jealousy strikes, it’s often a cue to assess boundaries, communication, or unmet needs. If we just shove that jealousy down or pretend it’s never there, those issues tend to fester beneath the surface, causing more harm in the long run. So recognizing jealousy doesn’t mean we act out destructively; it means we get curious and figure out what’s really going on inside our heads and hearts.

I’d also argue that jealousy can push us to grow, which is why it’s a topic well worth unpacking in a thought-provoking podcast or book. There’s this really interesting read called Uncomfortable Ideas by Bo Bennett, PhD. It doesn’t shy away from controversial or offensive topics but instead encourages readers to question easy assumptions—like the automatic shame we attach to jealousy—and see things from different perspectives. That kind of mindset is exactly what’s needed when navigating uncomfortable feelings.

At its core, jealousy challenges us to take a closer look at what matters to us and how we relate to others. So next time you catch yourself feeling jealous, instead of automatically brushing it off as “wrong” or “bad,” maybe try this approach:

1. Pause and acknowledge the feeling without judgment.
2. Ask yourself what triggered that jealousy—is it about fear of loss, insecurity, or unmet needs?
3. Consider what you can learn about yourself from that feeling.
4. Use it as motivation to communicate, grow, or protect what’s important—but in a healthy, respectful way.

Of course, this isn’t a neat fix. Embracing feelings like jealousy means embracing discomfort and risking vulnerability. These are exactly the kind of uncomfortable ideas that society tends to avoid, but they open the door to much richer understanding.

So, if you’re the kind of person who’s open to challenging the status quo and facing the difficult sides of yourself without flinching, take a look at Bo Bennett’s book. It’s a rare invitation to explore offensive topics and thought-provoking perspectives that’ll leave you thinking twice about everything you assumed was “right” or “wrong.”

Explore the book now and see why embracing discomfort might be the key to really understanding jealousy—not as a flaw... but as part of being human.

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